O is for Orgasm Denial

O is for Orgasm Denial

I know that you expected that I would be blogging about orgasms, and in a way I am.  In the BDSM lifestyle training submissives and slaves to be able to hold their orgasms.  Denying orgasm is a form of power control and that is what most relationships are focused on.  In a Dom/sub and Master/slave  the sub or slave give over control and their Dom/Master considers all the orgasms Their orgasms and They have control of when any and all happen.  This control of orgasms can lead to a tolerance of increased stimulation and the ability to orgasm on command.  

No thank you Sir... Whipped Dreams 

N is for Nipple Clamps

N is for Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps scare me!  I know they should not and that they are adjustable, and even that some pain is good and pleasurable, but it is just stuck in my head that nipples clamps are OUCH!  My nipples are very sensitive.  So Very Sensitive!  

I need to trust my Miss and Dom and bite the bullet and just give them a try and stop wincing every time they are mentioned.  I think They like when I wince at thoughts.  Their sadist sides show every time I do it.  

Perhaps it is just the look of the clamps, have you seen them? 

So let's review, nipple clamps OUCH!  Suction things...Yes, Please!  

Trying not to wince.... Whipped Dreams 

M is for Masochist

M is for Masochist

In a nutshell a masochist is someone that obtains pleasure from receiving punishment or pain.  Through that definition I am a masochist, as I do derive pleasure from beatings and pain.  For me as the pain starts and the endorphins start running through my body the pain quickly turns to pleasure as I reach a form of "subspace" a place where everything is kind of floaty.

 Each hit I receive allows the stress, frustration and annoyances in my life to just float away.  The harder I am hit (to a point) the farther is sends me and I start to giggle.  If there are people around and they softly shriek at the sound of me getting hit, it makes me giggle more.  

My Dom and Miss are very good at knowing how to keep me in that "subspace" and they know the importance of it in my life.  They also know when I am done and have had enough.  They are quick to make sure I am okay, They watch for signs that I may not be able to hold on much longer and at times They know before I do that I am done.  

Not so long ago I was afraid of pain.  I was afraid to hurt at all, and I have quickly learned that some pain can be your friend.  

Many people relieve their stress by crying.  I am not able to do that without days of intense headaches.  Getting beat for me allows the same release as people get from crying without the painful after effects.  The after effects from a good beating are some bruising and fogging feeling.  We have created essential oil blends to combat both of those things.  They are part of our Dom Trio.   The submissives friend helps ease the pain and swelling of a beating, the sub and Dom drops help combat the foggy, down feelings.   

You can see them at www.etsy.com/shop/whippeddreams15XXX  

Beat me

Beat me

Make me 

Giggle.....     Whipped Dreams

L is for Leather

L is for Leather

The smell, the way it feels on my skin, they way it can be cut and shaped,.. Leather.  Of course there are different kinds of leather, some inspire a long breath drawn in that ends up with a lustful dreamy grin on my face, some that has the smell but it harsh when touched, some that feels as it will melt like butter if you hold it against your skin too long, and some that has been over worked and just meh.  I have a very large side of oil tanned deep black leather that I have a very hard time cutting.  My gut screams to me to take it to my room and use it as my sheets and keep incredibly warm while laying on it as it retains my body heat.  

Cutting leather takes up a lot of my days, creating floggers, toys and collars are a labor of love.   Treat leather well and it will treat you well for years to come.. 

These are two of my favorite leathers.... you can see them at www.etsy.com/shop/whippeddreams15XXX  

Yummmm Leather... Whipped Dreams 

K is for Kinky

K is for Kinky

Of course K is for Kinky, how could it be for anything else?  What is kinky sex?  According to the dictionary it is anything unusual, bizarre, or deviant in a sexual way or manner.  

So this leaves me pondering,  once you have done something "kinky"  does it stop being "kinky" after a few times as it no longer fits the definition.  If you have been tied up and bound to a bed a dozen times, it becomes your normal sexual behavior, it is no longer unusual or bizarre by your standards.  Kinky then moves over to those people over there doing that stuff you have not tried yet.  Kinky then becomes the wild, creative stuff you have not tried yet! 

Kinky should not be confused with your "kink"  which is what someone is really into at the moment. My "kink" is getting beat with thuddy impact things.  Anything can be a "kink" or a fetish which is something that interests you in a sexual way.  Boobs, feet, rope, chains, leather, latex, are just a few kinks there are as many as there are things in the world.  Kinks need to be respected as long as they they are done in a safe, sane and consensual manner.  One of the rules in the BDSM world is "your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is okay".  Respect is shown to the person(s) regardless if their preferred kink is yours or not.   

Find your Kink, Be Kinky and Kink On!!!    Whipped Dreams 

J is for Jack and Jill Off

J is for Jack and Jill Off 

No, they are not long lost relatives that are never invited for holidays.  They refer to self pleasuring or masturbation, by yourself or in groups.  Masturbation is a normal and common thing, you will not grow hair on your palms, or go insane, or blind as I was taught in my Catholic school  education.  

Researchers have found that masturbation happens in the womb, so you have been doing it forever! There are many health benefits to masturbation both physical and mental.  It is relaxing, brings down your chances of heart attack, improves sleep, relieve headaches and cramps and creates a sense of well being.  Masturbation can also improve your sex life as you learn how and where you like to be touched, what makes you orgasm, and increase the ability to have orgasms. 

Mutually masturbating with a partner can show by example how you like to be touch and you can learn from your partner exactly the sensations they prefer.  It is also a safe alternative to penetrative sex when pregnancy or std's are a concern

So go ahead Jack and Jill Off.. it's good for you!  

Happy Orgasms... Whipped Dreams 

I is for Ice.. as in cubes.

I is for Ice.. as in cubes.

My Miss loves to use ice cubes when She is flogging me.  If She sees that marks that are too red or just too many red marks She will pick up some ice cubes and run them across the marks and welts to cool them down.. It feels fantastic... and then it sends shivers and goosebumps.  Just when I take a relaxing breath and relax a bit the ice has melted and the floggers, whips and crops are back into action.  I am cooled down enough to continue.  

Another favorite of Hers it to put toys are items of ass destruction into an ice bath and let them sit until the perfect time to pull them out and apply them to my body.  Metal that is now wet and freezing applied to my skin feels amazing..and then it is applied to my clit which causing almost a burning sensation.  When the freezing cold object is held there then abruptly taken away it causes the area that so quickly cooled to just as quickly warm again, which causes swelling.  This is the mix of pain and pleasure.  The sensation is so utterly wicked and sensual... I would not have it any other way!  Thank you Miss! 

Sincerely, 

Whipped Dreams

H is for Heteroflexible

H is for Heteroflexible

If I have to define my sexuality, I define it as Heteroflexible.  Why?  I have come to the conclusion that at this time (things can always change at some point, one never knows)  I do not feel that I can have a loving, sexual, and fulfilling relationship with a person of my same gender, which is the definition of being gay.  I do not identify as gay, but I do like playing sexually with women.  So, I would be Bi-sexual right??   Nope, not correct.  Being able to have a fulfilling loving and sexual relationship with someone of either gender would be the definition of bi-sexuality.  

So, I am not Gay, I'm not Bi-sexual, I land somewhere inbetween there, the land of the Heteroflexible.  I enjoy being sexual with either gender, but could only have a totally fulfilling, loving relationship of someone of the male gender.  Some people tend to call this bi-curious, but I am not curious, I do know!!  

Knowledge is power -  Whipped Dreams

G is for Goals

G is for Goals

Everyone needs goals, things they are working toward in life.  In a BDSM relationship goals are important too.  As a submissive or slave give over control to their Dom/Domme or Master they trust that what They do for them and with them is in their best interests and to make them a better person as a whole.  Usually, in the negotiation phase of a BDSM relationship goals are discussed and decided upon. New goals can always be introduced into the relationship.  

When my contract was being negotiated one of my goals was to get help in getting in better shape and get healthier.  Recently, my Dom has been requiring me to work out each day.  He decided on what He thought would be best for me and tasked me with it.  As my situation where I live is complicated, what He was tasking me with was going to be a hit or miss so I respectfully ask for a slightly different type of workout.  It ended up to be a much harder one, but one I am capable of doing each day for the most part.  I am now accountable to my Dom to do as He has tasked me or there will be consequences. From the outside looking in, the tasks might seem harsh, but as you learn I asked for this goal and trusted He would find a way to make it happen it shows  He has taken responsibility for my goals and how they are accomplished.  

Hugs and steps   Whipped Dreams 

F is for Floggers

F is for Floggers

I love floggers!!  The hilts, the falls, the thud, the sting, and of course the sound they make has it connects with my skin.  The picture above is my favorite set of floggers.  They are made from oil tanned leather that feels and smells magnificent.  The handles or hilts, as they are called, are repurposed brass candle stick holders.  Though they are cut at 1/4inch falls, falls are the dangly leather parts, they are still very thuddy when they land on your skin.  Though depending on the way they are thrown, thrown is the motion of hitting, they can be somewhat stingy.  The tails on the ends are much shorter and serve two purposes. One, they cover up a screw and are decorative, the other is that they can be used as a small flogger for sensory play or to hit smaller areas such as clits, vaginas, tits and nipples and penis's.  Hitting does not always have to be hard and bruising, it can be soft and tantalizing.  

So now that we have the parts of the floggers covered, lets have a short lesson on size and materials.  Floggers can be made out of just about any material, fur, string, leather, yarn, inner tubes for tires, chain, rubber, pretty much anything you can think of that would be fun or sensual to get hit with. The picture below shows a flogger made with a pepper mill handle. Handles can also be made out of any material you can come up with.  

 Now for size.  The length of a flogger only depends on the length of the material you are using.  Being able to throw the length is another story.  The long floggers are so very sexy and exciting but if the person throwing the flogs is not experienced wrapping and other uncomfortable things can happen.  Wrapping is when the falls of the flogger connect with your skin then wrap around the edges and make a whip like crack.  For instance, if the main part of the falls hits your back but the ends go over the side of your back and then whip onto your soft underside.. that smarts!  Of course some people really like that wrapping, it usually leaves marks.  Most prefer accurate hits from the person flogging.  The longer the falls the harder they are to control.  When choosing the total length of your flogger it should be no longer than the length of your arm.  For people new to this unique tool the falls should be around the length of your forearm.  Experienced flogger can handle longer lengths.

Why the different widths of the falls?  Simply because they cause different sensations.  As a general rule the thinner the falls the more sting is felt on impact.  Wider falls make a much more thuddy impact.  Wider falls are usually easier for learning as the falls tend to stay grouped closer together on impact and are easier to control.  

The other thing to consider when looking at floggers is how many falls they have. Depending on the material, floggers made with a lot of falls can be very heavy and harder to control, they can also be exhausting.  

Sometimes people who flog like to show their interests or part of their personality in their choice of floggers.  I tend to introduce irony, whimsy or geekery into the ones I make.   Below are a few of my favorites.   The Saberflogger has working lights and sound!

The dragon flogger has leather falls with a type of dragon skin print and a medallion of a dragon on the end of the hilt.   

More examples of floggers can be seen at www.etsy.com/shop/whippeddreams15XXX 

E is for Electric Play

E is for Electric Play

What is electric play you ask?  No, it does not involve electrocuting someone, if you do, you have done it wrong.  Electric play is using high or low voltage machines to stimulate someone sexually. These machines come in the form of things such as violet wands, TENS units, stun guns and cattle prods.  

This is an advanced Violet wand set. Called a violet wand because the look of the electricity going through the tubes is violet.  The electricity flows through the different attachment tubes and can be used to stimulate different parts of the body.  The flow of electricity can be controls from minimal to intense.  The different attachment tubes allow for different sensations.  This can go from mild to wild as slowly or as quickly as needed and is easy to maneuver all over the body.  

A TENS unit is commonly used by chiropractors and others in the medical world to relieve pain.  The pads which have an adhesive surface are placed on the body and electrical impulses are sent through them.  These also can be used from a minimal feeling to intense. These are much more stationary then the violet wand types.  These are becoming so commonplace for back pain that you can purchase them at Walmart.  Consider trying these patches on your erogenous zones for kinky pleasure.  

We all know what a stun gun looks like and I will not be placing a picture here, I personally feel those are used for more extreme fetishes and are much harder to control intensity. 

The cattle prod is also in my humble opinion for the more hardcore fetishests.  Though there is some control over the intensity it has to be used by someone who is well educated on it's uses and dangers. Just OUCH! 

Hope this was education and a bit electrifying ... Whipped Dreams.  

  

D is for Discipline

D is for Discipline

Part of a power control relationship such as Dom/sub and Master/slave, usually involves discipline. In these types of  relationships discipline is negotiated as part of the power control contract. Discipline is used to correct behaviors and hold parties personally accountable for goals and assigned tasks.  This can take many forms including physical punishment, mental tasks, or sensory deprivation.  

Common physical punishments can include but limited to flogging, whipping, spanking, caning and paddling.  Kneeling for an amount of time or on objects such as rice, sand or salt is also used. Standing and holding objects such as phone books or cans of food for a period of time can be common place.

Mental tasks usually include journal writing, letter writing, goal making and essay writing. 

Sensory deprivation can be isolation (time out), being required to remain silent, or being ignored by the Dom or Master.  

Silence is the worst...  Whipped Dreams 

Some objects used for punishment can be seen at www.esty.com/shop/whippeddreams15XXX

C is for Chains

C is for Chains

  I recently learned the fun of chains and now when I got to hardware store, I am drawn to the chain aisle to hear them clink together and swing slowly as I run my hand over them.  As they clink my girly parts wink a bit with thoughts of what these chains can do...   Recently, I had a couple of willing participants perform what I now know as the,"Chain Trick." 

 An email was sent to a friend and it went something like this..Acquire a length of  chrome plated chain with some weight to it. File off any rough parts, making sure the entire length of chain is smooth. Then mentioned," First off use lots of lube, did I mention use lots of lube? "  So with this information we went to the hardware store to see what kind of trouble.. I mean suitable chain we could find. 

 Oh we found chain, lots of chain, but no chrome plated.  After a bit of deliberation and giggles we decided on a plastic coated metal chain in the heaviest weight it was available. 4ft of chain.  Laughing all the way back to the car, we drove home rereading the entire email.  Soak chain in isopropyl alcohol to clean it and then rinse in clean water. 

 So chain ready... lube ready... we were ready.  It said to slip each link in the vagina pushing the link inside of the link before it.  This needs to be done slowly as to not pinch anything inside.  The chain going in was interesting as a finger was always slide in beside it to make sure it was not going to pinch anything, and somehow other fingers could not keep from play with my clit (another fun C word) because it was there and helped with the lube.  Lube, lots of lube.  Did I mention again... lots of lube.

At 2 ft of chain inside there was a full feeling and the finger sliding in with it was making me squirm more than a bit.  I was expecting a heavy, "OMG there is something very heavy in my vagina" feeling but that was not the case.  I was just very full.

 As the last of what could fit (I know doesn't 4 ft sound like a lot??)  I had already had a few orgasms but the "trick" of the "Chain Trick" was in the pulling out, link by link as one orgasms.  Let me share with you .. as that link slides across the g-spot while you are already orgasming, it takes things to a whole new level!  

The "Chain Trick" is a keeper!! 

Hugs and Chains  Whipped Dreams  

B is for BDSM

B is BDSM

Many of my posts will be coming from the view point of the BDSM world, so lets take a moment and explore where that acronym came from.  BDSM is a complex thing. 

• B/D = Bondage and Discipline:  The tying up or being tied up, bound or restrained/punishment
• D/s = Domination and submission:  A power exchange of complete control and submission 
• S/M = Sadism and Masochism: A desire to give or receive pain 

People involved in BDSM do not do all the BDSM things.  It is more of a mixed bag of things one may or may not be into, all held under one big title.  There are many, many subsections of the BDSM world and many ways people express their sexuality.  There is also the misconception that people involved in BDSM and any of the kink world are some how "broken" or "damaged" and now their sexual ideas and feelings are deviant.   Many people in the BDSM world are your doctors, lawyers and high profile professionals, but most people in the BDSM world come from all walks of life.  We all have ways to release stress and enjoy our sexuality, people in the kink world just do it a bit differently.  Many people also feel that BDSM is all about pain.  This is also not true. Yes, many are into pain for many different reasons and others are not into pain at all.

  As a culture, we in the BDSM world have some codes of conduct.. as it is a large diverse group of people not everyone agrees on terminology.   One thing they all have in common is Consent.  BDSM is a consensual activity. If consent is not give it abuse or assault.  

• SSC = Safe, Sane and Consensual  (Scenes, play and relationships are all negotiated and all parties agree) 
• RACK = Risk Aware Consensual Kink (Some felt that the inherent risk involved in some of the activities had to be addressed during scenes, play and relationships)
• PRICK = Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink ( Some people felt that the personal responsibility in playing within the BDSM world needed to be acknowledged along with the consent to be involved in the scenes, play and relationships)

I do hope that this bring a bit of knowledge and understanding to those wondering about the BDSM world!    

Whipped Dreams  

 

A is for Aftercare

In the alternative sex world a lot of relationships have a power control dynamic.  Within this dynamic some are Dominate and others are submissive, and yet some switch between the two.  Many time what is done between consensual partners is called a scene.  After this scene is done, usually aftercare is needed.  It is a time of cooling down, showing care and compassion, and reconnection.  This is a time to take care of the immediate needs of warmth and rehydration, a time to assess emotional stability, and a time to evaluate any marks, bruises or cuts that may have occurred.  Many people use lotions and cremes to "rub down" their subs and ease any trauma that has taken place.  Essential oils are great to use at this time, they can help take care of swelling and lessen the bruising.  They are also helpful for the Dom to help ease the strain that tends to happen to shoulders, elbows and wrists.  The essential oils can help both navigate back to reality.  We at Whipped Dreams have a Dom/sub Trio which includes a creme for aftercare which has gotten many rave reviews from those who have used it.  It can be seen at www.etsy.com/shop/whippeddreams15xx

A-F-T-E-R-C-A-R-E

(A) Attentiveness - This includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing, hugging, kissing, massaging, and whispers. Free the bottom from bondage. Have a change of clothing packed. Control body temperature. Get warmth by: blankets, clothing, socks, slippers. Cool down by: drinking water, slowing your pace, move to cooler location. Relax your muscles & mind. If bottom is flying, cover eyes from bright lights. Negotiate beforehand what you will need.

(F) Fortify - Your body's needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice, eating food, sugar, medications, and nicotine. Clean up: use the rest room, wash your hands & face, administer first aid to wounds and collect your thoughts. Rest: a large amount of energy was exerted & endorphins raging through the body. Prepare beforehand how to give aftercare & clean up the scene. 3rd party aftercare? Know any medical conditions for both Top and bottom.

(T) Transition - A huge Power Exchange took place. Develop a way to Empower yourself. Reclaim the power dynamics within your relationship. Refocus your temperament. Find the balance in your roles. Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body & spirit. Allow different gear speeds to drive you so that you can operate smoothly. Feeling safe and secure requires reestablishing your former protective walls and defenses.

(E) Express - Giving & showing gratitude to your partner(s) is paramount in emphasizing the scene had meaning. Recognize your appreciation for the hard work just displayed. A heart felt "Thank You" goes a long way. Acknowledge the importance of your connection, which you just shared. Affirm your care and concern, be supportive and listen. Consider what you can do for/to one another to 'ritualize' the ending of the scene.

(R) Recovery - It takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one's thoughts, and recuperate in order to be independent again. Cognitive thinking, emotional stability, and full motor functionality are all regained with time. The feeling of abandonment is common if this necessary recovery period is insufficient. When problems occur and things go wrong; react quickly, decisively, and assertively. Prepare your options for scene breakers/stoppers.

(C) Communicate - Be supportive and listen to each other. Determining how much follow up is needed depends upon the depth of your scene & the areas of the mind that was delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs for both partners. Tops are "psycho" not "physic" - share your feelings and give them feedback.

(A) Analyze - Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria, disappointments, regrets, and pleasures. Assess your immediate & long term needs. Did you have an emotional release? What did your tears or laughter mean? Are you experiencing delayed "crashing" - Top/sub drop? Tops & bottoms can experience regrets and remorse for what just happened. Do you need reassurance & validation for your actions? Endorphin levels take time to stabilize.

(R) Reflect - A critical reflection upon the scene is a natural process and should be explored by both players. Were the expectations, goals, and/or limits reached? Were they realistic? Was the scene effective? What elements could be changed? What "mental" barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention to heal? Was the equipment used adequate? If there was an audience, were they affected? What precautions should you take next time?

(E) Explore - Future possibilities to play again with this person. Find ideas to be researched. Determine which skills to improve. Redefine your don't list and questions to ask. Locate areas of uncomfortably to avoid. What is on your wish list? Don't have the mindset of "got to play-itis". What changes do you need to make with your negotiations? Where are you now? What have you learned? Realize there is no 'one' standard for aftercare. Make it what you need and what works for you and your partner(s).