A is for Aftercare

In the alternative sex world a lot of relationships have a power control dynamic.  Within this dynamic some are Dominate and others are submissive, and yet some switch between the two.  Many time what is done between consensual partners is called a scene.  After this scene is done, usually aftercare is needed.  It is a time of cooling down, showing care and compassion, and reconnection.  This is a time to take care of the immediate needs of warmth and rehydration, a time to assess emotional stability, and a time to evaluate any marks, bruises or cuts that may have occurred.  Many people use lotions and cremes to "rub down" their subs and ease any trauma that has taken place.  Essential oils are great to use at this time, they can help take care of swelling and lessen the bruising.  They are also helpful for the Dom to help ease the strain that tends to happen to shoulders, elbows and wrists.  The essential oils can help both navigate back to reality.  We at Whipped Dreams have a Dom/sub Trio which includes a creme for aftercare which has gotten many rave reviews from those who have used it.  It can be seen at www.etsy.com/shop/whippeddreams15xx

A-F-T-E-R-C-A-R-E

(A) Attentiveness - This includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing, hugging, kissing, massaging, and whispers. Free the bottom from bondage. Have a change of clothing packed. Control body temperature. Get warmth by: blankets, clothing, socks, slippers. Cool down by: drinking water, slowing your pace, move to cooler location. Relax your muscles & mind. If bottom is flying, cover eyes from bright lights. Negotiate beforehand what you will need.

(F) Fortify - Your body's needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice, eating food, sugar, medications, and nicotine. Clean up: use the rest room, wash your hands & face, administer first aid to wounds and collect your thoughts. Rest: a large amount of energy was exerted & endorphins raging through the body. Prepare beforehand how to give aftercare & clean up the scene. 3rd party aftercare? Know any medical conditions for both Top and bottom.

(T) Transition - A huge Power Exchange took place. Develop a way to Empower yourself. Reclaim the power dynamics within your relationship. Refocus your temperament. Find the balance in your roles. Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body & spirit. Allow different gear speeds to drive you so that you can operate smoothly. Feeling safe and secure requires reestablishing your former protective walls and defenses.

(E) Express - Giving & showing gratitude to your partner(s) is paramount in emphasizing the scene had meaning. Recognize your appreciation for the hard work just displayed. A heart felt "Thank You" goes a long way. Acknowledge the importance of your connection, which you just shared. Affirm your care and concern, be supportive and listen. Consider what you can do for/to one another to 'ritualize' the ending of the scene.

(R) Recovery - It takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one's thoughts, and recuperate in order to be independent again. Cognitive thinking, emotional stability, and full motor functionality are all regained with time. The feeling of abandonment is common if this necessary recovery period is insufficient. When problems occur and things go wrong; react quickly, decisively, and assertively. Prepare your options for scene breakers/stoppers.

(C) Communicate - Be supportive and listen to each other. Determining how much follow up is needed depends upon the depth of your scene & the areas of the mind that was delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs for both partners. Tops are "psycho" not "physic" - share your feelings and give them feedback.

(A) Analyze - Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria, disappointments, regrets, and pleasures. Assess your immediate & long term needs. Did you have an emotional release? What did your tears or laughter mean? Are you experiencing delayed "crashing" - Top/sub drop? Tops & bottoms can experience regrets and remorse for what just happened. Do you need reassurance & validation for your actions? Endorphin levels take time to stabilize.

(R) Reflect - A critical reflection upon the scene is a natural process and should be explored by both players. Were the expectations, goals, and/or limits reached? Were they realistic? Was the scene effective? What elements could be changed? What "mental" barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention to heal? Was the equipment used adequate? If there was an audience, were they affected? What precautions should you take next time?

(E) Explore - Future possibilities to play again with this person. Find ideas to be researched. Determine which skills to improve. Redefine your don't list and questions to ask. Locate areas of uncomfortably to avoid. What is on your wish list? Don't have the mindset of "got to play-itis". What changes do you need to make with your negotiations? Where are you now? What have you learned? Realize there is no 'one' standard for aftercare. Make it what you need and what works for you and your partner(s).